Monday, January 13, 2014

How To Gain Confidence When You Have Low Self Esteem.

If your like me you've probably have asked this question to yourself, "how do I gain confidence when I have low self esteem?" I had self esteem issues though out my young adult life like some do. I continued to have them through my mid to late 20's too until I reached out to other people in desperation then I realized what the problem was. It was me and my thoughts about me.

I told myself through  out my life "I am no good", "God hates me", "I,m ugly", "I am dumb". Maybe I did it as a way to try and motivate myself to do better but I think it caused me to have low self esteem more than anything. How can anyone who tells their self that on a daily basis have any kind of confidence? One of my buddies used to tell me "If you believe it, it's true to you". So if you have to convenience yourself that you are the worst of the worst, how do you un convince yourself so you can have more confidence.

 One thing I like to do is meditate. Eckart Tolle has a story in his book "The Power of Now" where he said "I hate myself". Then he questioned who is the I that hates himself (paraphrasing). Sometimes our minds work against us. Your mind will tell you many things, some which are poison to your confidence. What I do is meditate. As I meditate I start to hear and see my thoughts for what they are, thoughts. Those thoughts are not me, they are just thoughts. So the first part is to recognize your thoughts, and to realize they are not you, they are thoughts.

So now you realize your thoughts. Those thoughts or beliefs that your mind is feeding you, are they true?  In order to change your beliefs about something or yourself you must first question the belief. For example "I am ugly", is that a fact? How can you prove it? Just because no one in the room finds you attractive does that means it true? Is appearance subjective or objective? If it is subjective then its just an opinion not a fact. Keep questioning your beliefs because that is what they are about yourself, they are not facts.

Our thoughts is what causes our low self esteem. In order to get around those thoughts, we must first recognize them and then question them. It's like taking a piece of string from a shirt until the shirt becomes unraveled. Keep questioning your thoughts until you no longer see them as truth. Then you  will realize that you are not the worst of the worst. Once you realize that, you should start to gain confidence. 

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